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635 

3 No. 429 

5S67 — 

ay 1 



A Narrow Squeak'' 



A COMEDY IN ONE ACT 



BY 
LILIAN BENNET-THOMPSON 

AND 

GEORGE HUBBARD 



X I 

1^ i 

E i 

> I - 

2 = '-^ll Rights Reserved 

r> i 

5 I Copyright, 1922, by Samuel French 



Price 30 Cents 



New York London 

SAMUEL FRENCH SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

Publisher 26 Southampton Street 
28-30 Wi'^sr 38th S'jkelt STRAND 



THE REJUVENATION OF AUNT MARY. 

The famous comedy in three acts, by Anne Warner. 7 males, 6 
females. Three interior scenes. Costumes modern. Plays 2% hours. 

This is a genuinely funny comedy with splendid parts for "Aunt 
Mary," "Jack," her lively nephew; "Lucinda," a New England an- 
cient maid of all work; "Jack's" three chum.s; the Girl "Jack" loves; 
"Joshua," Aunt Mary's hired man, etc. 

"Aunt Mary" was played by May Robson in New York and on tour 
for over two years, and it is sure to be a big success wherever pro- 
duced. We strongly recommend it. Price, 60 Cents. 



MRS. BUMSTEAD-LEIGH. 

A pleasinfe comedy, in three acts, by Harry James Smith, author of 
"The Tailor-Mcde Man." 6 males, 6 females. One interior scene. 
Costvimes modern. Plays 2J4 hours. 

Mr. Smith chose for his initial comedy the complications arising 
from the endeavors of a social climber to land herself in the altitude 
peopled by hyphenated names — a liieme permitting innumerable com- 
plications, according to the spirit of the writer. 

This most successful comedy was toured for several seasons by Mrs. 
Fiske with enormous success. Price, 60 Cents. 



MRS. TEMPLE'S TELEGRAM. 

A most sviccessful farce in three acts, by^ Frank Wyatt and Wil- 
liam Morris. 5 males, 4 females. One interior scene stands through- 
out the three acts. Costumes modern. Plays 2J/2 hours. 

"Mrs. Temple's Telegram" is a sprightly farce in which there is 
an abundance of fun without any taint of impropriety or any ele- 
ment of ol¥ence. As noticed by Sir Walter Scott, "Oh, what a 
tangled web we v.'eave when first we practice to deceive." 

There is not a dull moment in the entire farce, and from the time 
the curtain rises until it makes the final- drop the fun is fast and 
furious. A very exceptional farce. Price, 60 Cents. 



THE NEW CO-ED, 

A comedy in four acts, by Marie Doran, author of "Tempest and 
Sunshine," etc. Characters, 4 males, 7 females, though any number 
of boys and girls can be introduced in the action of the play. One 
interior and one exterior scene, btit can be easily played in one inte- 
rior scene. Costumes modern. Time, about 2 hours. 

The theme of this play is the coming of a new student to the col- 
lege, her reception by the scholars, her trials and final triumph. 

There are three especially good girls' parts, Letty, Madge and 
Estelle, but the others have plenty to do. "Punch" Doolittle and 
George Washington Watts, a gentleman of color, are two particularly 
good comedy characters. We can strongly recommend "The New 
Co-Ed" to high schools and amateurs. Price, 30 Cents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City 

New and Explicit Descriprive Catalogue Mailed Free on Reouest 



"A Narrow Squeak" 

A COMEDY IN ONE ACT 



By 
LILIAN BENNET-THOMPSON 

AND 

GEORGE HUBBARD 



All Rights Reserved 
Copyright, ly^g, bv Samuel French 



New York 

SAMUEL FRENCH 

Publisher 

28-30 West 38th Street 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND, W. C. 2 



^"b 






i^^"^,.^^ 

^^*' 



Copyright, 1922, by Samuel French 
AM Rights Reserved 

"A NARROW SQUEAK" is fully protected by copy- 
right, and all rights are reserved. 

Permission to act, to read publicly, or to make any use 
of this play must be obtained from Samuel French, 28-30 
West 38th St., New York. 

It may be presented by amateurs upon payment of a 
royalty of five dollars for each performance, payable to 
Samuel French one week before the date when the play is 



Professional rates quoted on application. 

Whenever the play is produced the following _ notice 
must appear on all programs, printing and advertising for 
the play: "Produced by special arrangement with Samuel 
French of New York." 



SEP 23 '22 

'CI.D (5190 4 
<vto ( 



CHARACTERS 

George Carroll — Confidential secretary to John 

Breckenridge 
John Breckenridge — of Breckenridge & Company, 

wholesale grocers. 
James Marshall — a business rival of Breckenridge. 
Minnie Munn — a stenographer. 

Time. — Ten o'clock in the morning. 
Place. — New York City. 



"A Narrow Squeak" 



Scene : Carroll's office. Desk right centre, with 
swivel chair. A straight chair on left side of 
desk. Door leading to hall, right. Door cen- 
ter, bearing label, "Mr. Breckenridge. Pri- 
vate." Door left, labeled, "General Offices." 
Other fittings to suggest a business office — filing 
cabinets, telephone, and so forth. 

George Carroll is sitting at his desk, writing bus- 
ily, at rise of curtain. He suddenly raises his 
head, turning it over his shoulder in a listen- 
ing attitude. He looks pussled and frozvns. 

Carroll. (In musing tone) That's funny. I 

wonder (He is interrupted by knock at door, 

left.) Come in! 

(Enter Minnie Munn, stenographic notebook and 
pencil in hand. She is a slangy, gum-chewing 
young person, pert and superlatively self-confi- 
dent. She has a mass of light hair puffed out 
over her ears in an attempt at ultra- fashionable 
style; her heels are extraordinarily high, and 
she tvears a very tight skirt. She closes door 
behind her and comes down toward Carroll.) 

Minnie. (Breezily) Mornin', George. Any let- 
ters? 

5 



6 "A NARROW SQUEAK" 

Carroll. (Who seems to be preoccupied) No, 
thank you. Miss Rose took my dictation. 

Minnie. Much obHged to Rosie. Old Brecken- 
ridge went out of town last night, and I guess I'll 
have a chance to do my manicurin' — (Starts left for 
door to general offices) — unless some one else makes 
me get busy. (She stops and half-turns, speaking 
over her shoulder.) Did you get your raise? 

Carroll. (Looking up sharply) What do you 
mean ? 

Minnie. (Airily) Oh, I heard you brace old 
Breck for it. Doors are like everything else around 
here — cheap. Did you get it? 

Carroll. (Shortly) I did not. 

Minnie. (Crossing to centre) Didn't think you 
would. (She comes and sits dozvn on corner of 
Carroll's desk, leaning over confidentially.) Gee! 
old Breckenridge doesn't mind losing five dollars 
any more'n a leg ! Say — you know he'd squeeze a 
quarter until Liberty hollered for Anthony Corn- 
stock ! 

Carroll. (Sharply) Miss Munn ! MissMunn! 
Are you speaking of Mr. Breckenridge ? 

Minnie. (Sitting up straight) Sure I am. 
Who'd you think I meant — a Pittsburgh sport ? 

Carroll. Why, this is unpardonable ! 

Minnie. (In amazement) Hello! What bit 
you? 

Carroll. Bit me? 

Minnie. (Slipping off desk and facing him as 
he rises ;. mocking his tone) Yes, bit you! Or 
p'r'aps you've been hittin' the dope. 

Carroll. Why ? 

Minnie. Why? You're crazy, that's why. You 
know as well as I do that of all the mean, grasping 
old shellfish that anybody ever had to slave for, he 
picks the nectarine. Why, you said just the other 
day 



"A NARROW SQUEAK" 7 

Carroll. (Interrupting) Really, Miss Munn, 
this is outrageous ! I'm surprised, amazed, at such 
language coming from you, whom Mr. Breckenridge 
has always treated kindly. 

Minnie. (With scorn) Yeah — kindly ! He tried 
to come the fatherly act over me. When I asked 
him to give me a dollar more a week, he told me I 
should economize on my clothes. Huh ! I told him 
I was a lady, and I was always goin' to dress as 
one 's long as I could cop the dough to buy the 
proper rags. (She smooths her skirt down over her 
hips and pats her hair.) Gee ! (Suddenly changing 
her tone.) What struck 3^ou all of a sudden — stick- 
in' up for old cramp-in-the-hand ? 

Carroll. (Rising xvith dignity) I've heard 
enough from you, Miss Munn — more than enough. 
After the disgraceful way in which you have spoken 
of Mr. Breckenridge, I am afraid it will be neces- 
sary to find someone else to take your position in 
the office. You may go. (He sits dozvn in chair 
again.) 

Minnie. (In mock melodramatic way) Too 
late! To-00 late! (Drops into her usual tone.) 
You can't fire me, Georgie. 

Carroll. What do you mean? 

Minnie. (With a boiv) I have graduated. 

Carroll. What ? 

Minnie. Wholesale groceries don't agree with 
me. I'm goin' to leave, and I'm goin' this after- 
noon. 

Carroll. You are? Does Mr. Breckenridge 
know of this? 

Minnie. Not on your daguerreotype, he don't! 
In other words, he is unaware of muh determina- 
tion. 

Carroll. You've not given him any notice? 

Minnie. I should say not! Do you generally 



8 "A NARROW SQUEAK" 

give notice when 3^ou break jail? I'm going into an 
honest business. 

Carroll. (Sitting down again) What is it? 

Minnie. (Leaning her arms on chair beside desk 
and swinging her foot behind her) I've got a job 
in a swell office. A gentleman friend of mine has 
opened a bucket shop, and he 

Carroll. You call that honest? 

Minnie. (Judicially) Well, he don't sell folks 
no maraschino cherries ofif last year's hats, and he 
don't sit up nights figurin' out how little you can live 
on — and then pay you a dollar less. 

Carroll. I think you are treating Mr. Brecken- 
ridge very badly in leaving this way, without giving 
him a chance to get someone in your place. 

Minnie. (Straightening up indignantly) You 
do, eh? If it was worth a canceled postage stamp 
to him, how long do you think it would take him to 
ring the fire-alarm for me? Why, I'd be out before 
the engines got here ! Me give hint notice, so he 
could chuck me half a day earlier and take it out of 
my salary f Nix! Why, if you got a chance to 
quit, you'd do the same thing, and you know it 
darned well ! 

Carroll. (Coldly) You are mistaken. I should 
never be guilty of such ingratitude. Mr. Brecken- 
ridge has always been just and fair 

Minnie. (Interrupting) Yes — to himself. Come, 
now, Carroll, if a man walked in here to-morrow 
arid ofifered you a decent job, with some real money, 
to go to work for him next week, you'd toddle so 
quick old Breck couldn't see you for dust ! 

Carroll. Do you mean to say you think I would 
actually leave my employer, knowing that it would 
hamper him in his work? You think I'm capable 
of a disloyal thing like that? 

Minnie. (Emphatically) Much! Why, he 
wouldn't even boost your weekly handout to save 



"A NARROW SQUEAK" 9 

your life! You've been getting the same small roll 
in your envelope for two years. What's he ever 
done for you except make you work like a sand-hog 
for enough to live like one? 

Carroll. (Seriously ) It is to be regretted, cer- 
tainly, that Mr. Breckenridge cannot see his way 
clear to increasing my salary. I feel that I ought 
to have more than I am getting. But if he thinks 
he is paying me all I am worth to him, surely he is 
the best judge. 

Minnie. Aw, prunes ! 

Carroll. W'hat? 

Minnie. Prunes! Prunus Americana! 

Carroll. (Continuing) If my services justified 
him in so doing, he would undoubtedly give me the 
addition to my salary. As it is 

Minnie. (Interrupting scornfully) As it is. 
you sit there and talk like a scuttle of ashes, and 
try to put the blinkers on me. But I'm wise. You 
can't fool daughter Minnie with that line of gab. 
Think up something new. That soapsud virtue was 
old when Noah was wearin' knee pants. 

Carroll. (Rising with decision) That will do. 
Miss Munn. I think I have already intimated that 
I have listened to you long enough. You forget 
to whom and of whom you are speaking. 

Minnie. Is that so? Not much I don't. I'm 
speaking to the underpaid, underdone, original 
come on, condemned to hard labor by the meanest 
old grab-penny 

Carroll. (Wrathfully) Leave my office ! 

Minnie. (Going right on) — tight-wad that ever 
poisoned the public with near-groceries ! 

Carroll. (With deadly calm) Miss Munn, will 
you go? (Takes a step toward her.) 

Minnie. Surest thing you know. You're so 
crazy for me to stay, it makes me timid. (She 
minces toward door and turns.) You used to be a 



10 "A NARROW SQUEAK" 

pretty decent fellow, George Carroll, but this spasm 
of virtue has sure spoiled you. Trouble with you 
is, you couldn't get another job. Wouldn't anybody 
want you. You never had a chance to quit, and 
that's why you're here. You couldn't fool anybody 
into takin' you on at any price. On the level, George, 
I'm sorry for you. I believe it's muh duty to stop 
in at the Gerry Society and have 'em send an in- 
spector up here to look into your case. Gee ! It's 
a shame your mother ever let your nurse go ! 

(Carroll rushes toivard her. Just before he 
reaches the door, she slips out and slams it in 
Jiis face. He stands staring at door, then shrugs 
his shoulders and returns very slozvly to his 
desk, a perplexed expression on his face. As 
he zvalks doivn, the door centre, leading to the 
office marked "Private," opens noiselessly and 
the head of Breckenridge appears. It is imme- 
diately ivithdrazvn] and the door closes again. 
Carroll stands a moment, his hand resting on 
the corner of his desk; then he shrugs again 
and sits dozvn in his chair. He picks up some 
papers and begins to go over them. There is a 
knock on door, right.) 

Carroll. (Without looking up) Come in! 

(Enter James Marshall, from hall. He closes 
door carefully behind him.) 

Marshall. (Coming dozvn tozvard Carrollj 
Good morning, Mr. Carroll. 

Carroll. (Looking up at the sound of Mar- 
shall's voice and showing considerable surprise.) 
Good morning, Mr. Marshall. 

Marshall. Mr. Carroll, may I take up ten min- 
utes of your time? 



"A NARROW SQUEAK" ii 

(Carroll frowns slightly, then smiles, rises, and 
takes Marshall's outstretched hand.) 

Carroll. Certainly, Mr. Marshall. 

Marshall. I shan't be interfering- too mvich with 
your work ? 

Carroll. No ; I can spare you a few moments. 
Mr. Breckenridge is out of town. 

Marshall. I know ; he went away last night. 1 
made mighty sure of that before I came over, be- 
cause I wanted to talk to you confidentially. Are 
we likely to be interrupted? 

Carroll. (Shozving surprise) Why, no, Mr. 
Marshall, I think not. I am not expecting anyone 
this morning. Sit down, won't you? (Indieates 
chair at side of desk.) 

Marshall. Good ! (Sits doivn in chair, drawing 
it close to Carroll.) Breckenridge keeps you pretty 
busy, eh? 

Carroll. (Smiling slightly) Well, he believes 
that if a man is working for him he should keep on 
the move. You can't blame him for that. 

Marshall. (Speaking very abruptly) Carroll — 
how much does he pay you ? 

Carroll. (Stiffly) I don't know that my salary 
is any concern of yours, Mr. Marshall. 

Marshall. (Bluffly) No ofifense, no ofifense ! I 
wasn't asking out of idle curiosity, Mr. Carroll. I 
have a good reason for wanting to know. I'm not 
trying to pry into your private affairs, but I'll gam- 
ble your salary isn't a fortune, eh? 

Carroll. I don't see that it concerns you in any 
way, but I don't mind telling you that Mr. Brecken- 
ridge pays me fifteen hundred a year. 

INIarshall. (Musingly) Uninnu. You have a 
thorough understanding of the business, haven't 
you? (Carroll nods.) Been here for — let me see 
— yes, about ten years. 



12 '^A NARROW SQUEAK" 

Carroll. Just about. 

Marshall. You've got all the details at your 
fingers' ends. You get here at eight o'clock in the 
morning, and you work until six — or twelve, just as 
Breckenridge chooses. If there's anything too small 
or too mean for him to bother about, he slides out 
from under and lets you do it. You're his handy 
man ; he wouldn't know what to do without you. 
And for all this he pays you fifteen hundred dollars 
a year. Munificent ! 

Carroll. (Fingering his pen-holder and speaking 
in a quiet voice) All of which is Mr. Brecken- 
ridge's business — and mine. As I said, I don't see 
what it is to you. 

Marshall. Just this. (Sits suddenly forzvard in 
his chair.) Just this, my boy. I can use a man like 
you. I've been watching you for some time, Car- 
roll, and I've come to the conclusion that you're the 
party I want. (The door left opens a little zvay, and 
Minnie puts her head in. She sees Marshall, 
looks surprised, and hesitates.) I'm willing to make 
it worth your while to come over to me, too. I'll 
give you an extra thousand — that'll bring you up to 
twenty-five hundred. 

Carroll. (Sloivly) Twenty-five hundred a year ! 

Marshall. That's what I said. Not a bad in- 
come for a young chap like you. 

Carroll. You're willing to pay me that? 

Marshall. If you close with the offer right 
now — yes. (He gets up and stands beside the desk.) 
You shut your desk here and tell Breckenridge you've 
decided to quit — that you've received a better offer. 
You needn't say from whom. This is Friday. You 
come to me on Monday, and your salary will date 
back to the first of the month. 

Carroll. But what sort of a job is it? 



"A NARROW SQUEAK" 13 

(Minnie raises her eycbrozvs significantly, smiles, 
tosses her head, and pulls the door nearly shut.) 

Marshall. General sales manager. I want some- 
jjocly at the head of the selling force who can handle 
the men right and put them on the trail of new 
business. 

Carroll. And I'd be allowed to run the sales- 
room as I liked? Mr. Marshall, do you — do you 
mean you'd give me practically a free hand ? 

Marshall. I certainly would. I don't interfere 
in the details myself. My policy has always been 
to find a man who knows his job from start to fin- 
ish, pay him what he's worth, and then let him go 
ahead and manage his department to suit himself. 
It's the best way to get results. 

Carroll. You're right, Mr. Marshall. It cer- 
tainly is. That's the proper way to do business. 

Marshall. Well, what do you say? 

Carroll. (Speaking very slozvly and clearly) 
Say? I have this to say, Mr. Marshall. It isn't my 
ability as executive you're anxious to secure. It's 
xvhat J knozv about Mr. Breckenridge's business that 
interests you. You know I'm his confidential man, 
and you want me to come with you so that you can 
use my knowledge to his disadvantage. And you 
want to know what I say to this scheme of yours? 
I say NO. Mr. Marshall ! 

Marshall. (Holding out a deprecating hand) 
Tut, tut ! Carroll, you misunderstand me. I'm mak- 
ing you a plain business proposition. I need a good 
man, and I've picked you for the job. I won't deny 
that what you know may be useful to me— that's 
understood. 

Carroll. (Grimly) I understand that. 

Marshall. All's fair in business, you know. 
Breckenridge must look out for himself. He isn't 
treating you right, not by a jugful. If he wants to 



14 "A NARROW SQUEAK'* 

keep his men he must expect to pay 'em. I'm will- 
ing to give you a thousand more than you're getting 
now. Is it a deal ? 

Carroll. (Looking him full in the face) No, 
Mr. Marshall. You know, of course, that that extra 
thousand is a temptation to me, or you wouldn't 
have suggested it. But neither that nor any other 
bribe you could offer would be sufficient to make me 
turn Mr. Breckenridge down. He trusts me abso- 
lutely ; he always has. And I'll stick. That's my 
final word. 

Marshall. But 

Carroll. I said that was my final word, and I 
meant it. I don't want to discuss the subject further. 

Marshall. But look here, Carroll 

Carroll. (Standing, and speaking very sternly, 
zvith raised voice) You have my answer, Mr. Mar- 
shall. (His tone becomes cold, formal.) I don't 
like your methods, sir. This interview has lasted 
the ten minutes for which you asked. I must beg 
you to excuse me. (Enter Breckenridge from pri- 
vate office, door centre. Carroll wheels around 
at sound of opening door.) Mr. Breckenridge! 

(Marshall, -cvho lias risen after Carroll^s last 

speech, turns and looks at Breckenridge, zvho 

. stands in doorivay watching Carroll. There 

is a perceptible pause. Then Breckenridge 

speaks.) 

Breckenridge. Bravo, Carroll ! Good for you ! 

Marshall. Well, your young man sort o' handed 
it to me, didn't he? 

Breckenridge. You bet he did ! 

Carroll. You were listening, sir? You heard 
what passed between Mr. Marshall and myself? 

Breckenridge, Every word. I knew you would 
not fail. 



"A NARROW SQUEAK" 15 

Carroll. I thought you were out of town. 

Breckenridge. That's what you were supposed 
to think, eh, Marshall ? 

Carroll. (Looking from one to the other in he- 
wildcrment) I — I don't understand. Mr. Brecken^ 
ridge. 

Breckenridge. (Chuckling) We didn't intend 
you should. The truth of the matter is that Mar- 
shall and I have decided to stop cutting each other's 
throats. We're going into partnership, and we need 
a man in whom we can impose implicit trust. We 
arranged this little test to see if you were the right 
one. You've passed with flying colors, my boy. 
From now on you're going to be General Sales Man- 
ager for Breckenridge & Marshall, at twenty-five 
hundred a year ! 

(There is a pause, during which Breckenridge 
beams genially at Carroll^ zvho looks back at 
him steadily for a moment of absolute silence. 
Then Carroll sloivly pushes back his chair and 
rises deliberately. He speaks through set 
teeth.) 

Carroll. No, I'm not! 

Breckenridge. (Surprised) You're not? 

Carroll. (Struggling to keep his voice calm) 
You heard what I said. 

Breckenridge. (In bewildcrinent) Explain 
yourself, boy. I don't understand. 

Carroll. (Evenly) Very well, I'll explain, then. 
The matter stands just this way. For ten years I've 
been with Breckenridge & Company. I came here 
fresh from college and took a job at three dollars a 
week. From that I worked up. During the past 
four years I've been rather close to you. Mr. Breck- 
enridge. Nominally. I was your secretary ; in real- 
ity, I was your adviser. You've reposed consid- 



i6 "A NARROW SQUEAK" 

erable confidence in me. Have you ever had reason 
to think it misplaced ? 

Breckenridge. (Shaking his head and speaking 
earnestly and eagerly) Never, Carroll, never. I've 
always said 

Carroll. (Interrupting) I've always done my 
best for you, always subordinated everything else 
to the interests of the firm, haven't I? 

Breckenridge. (Nodding, while a pnsdcd ex- 
pression creeps over his face) I don't see 

Carroll. (With suppressed passion) You will 
in a minute. You've just admitted that I've been 
faithful, that you've never had cause to doubt my 
integrity, never had the slightest reason to fear that 
I would betray your business secrets. (His voice 
takes on an impassioned ring as he speaks with grozv- 
ing anger and indignation.) And yet you sent Mar- 
shall here to-day with a scheme to bribe me, to see if 
I would sell you out — to try to make me do wrong! 
I've worked early and late for you, made a slave 
of myself for years — and this is the thanks I get — 
this dirty deal! You wanted to test me, did you? 
(He takes a step forivard, his eyes flashing.) Well, 
you've done it — and you've got your answer ! 

Marshall. (Squirming uneasily in his chair) 
One moment 

Carroll. (Turning fiercely on him; almost shout- 
ing) Don't talk to me! I don't want your dirty 
job ! I wouldn't touch it ! Give it to someone you're 

sure of. Great Heaven- (His voice breaks.) 

If ten years of faithful, loyal service doesn't prove 
a man's integrity, what will ? (With gathering pas- 
sion) Oh, I'm through with you ! I'm going to get 
out— and I'm going now ! (He turns abruptly azvay 
and sits dozvn at desk, pulling out top drazver and 
beginning to sort out contents.) 

Breckenridge. (Going to him) Carroll, my boy, 
you're taking us wrong. I can't let you go like this. 



"A NARROW SQUEAK" 17 

You see, the position is a very important one, very 
responsible. I didn't really distrust you, Carroll. 
I 

Marshall. (Interrupting) It's my fault. / 
didn't know you. I put Breck up to this. I wanted 
to find out something about you for myself. (He 
laughs a little.) And I found out a damn' sight 
more than I thought I should, too. Now, don't go 
up in the air. Be reasonable. It'll be a fine chance 
for you. 

Carroll. (Sorting out papers) I've nothing to 
say that I haven't already told you. I'll trv to get 
a job where service will count for something. Af- 
ter ten years — to come to this ! 

Marshall. (Going to door right and beckoning 
Breckenridge.j a word with you, Breck. (Breck- 
ENRiDGE follows him, and they go out, closing the 
door behind them. Door left is pulled open sud- 
denly, and Minnie comes in on tiptoe.) 

MiNN'iE. (In great glee) Bully for you, George ' 
Slam it to 'em ! 

Carroll. (Starting) Minnie! You shouldn't 
be here. Go at once ! 

Minnie. My Gawd, but I bet they feel small ! I 
never heard the beat of it in all my sixteen sum- 
mers. Say, when you get riled you're the real cream 
of tartar, ain't you? 

Carroll. Go on — get out ! They'll be back in a 
minute. 

Minnie. (Edging toivard door left) I'm going; 
but say — I'll bet a can of apples old Corner-the-Cash 
never heard so much truth in his life before. Lis- 
teners never get no bouquets — and what I said about 
him was some ! Who'd have dreamed he was in 
there! (Carroll pushes her toivard door. As she 
goes out, she turns.) Give 'em some more out of 
the same barrel. (She closes door after her. Car- 
roll crosses to clothes-tree, takes down hat and coat, 



i8 "A NARROW SQUEAK" 

and walks to desk. Breckenridge and IV^arshall 
re-enter.) 

Marshall. (Coming down to Carrollj I guess 
I'll have' to ask your pardon in a way, Carroll. You 
and I are pretty nearly strangers. I didn't mean to 
insult you. You say you won't stay, and, damn it, sir, 
I like your spirit ! I guess I'd feel the same way in 
your place, maybe. (Door left opens on a crack.) 
But — (With determination) — we need you, and we're 
going to have you. We'll call it three thousand for 
the first year. 

Carroll. I'm afraid 

Marshall. (Holding out his hand) Don't say a 
word. Think it over and then go home and sleep on it. 
Remember, the job's going to be a bigger one pretty 
soon than it is now. Take a good look at it, Carroll — 
three thousand a year and a free hand. We'll see you 
in the morning. 

Carroll. (Reluctantly) I'll think it over, but 
that's all I'll agree to. 

Marshall. Right ! Shake ! I like you, boy. 
You're made of the right stuff. Until to-morrow. 
(They clasp hands. Marshall turns to door. Breck- 
enridge does not speak, hut holds out his hand, and 
Carroll puts his within it. Then Breckenridge places 
his other hand over Carroll's and shakes it slowly, 
smiling in a proud, fatherly way. He folloivs Mar- 
shall to the door and they both exit.) 

Breckenridge. (Speaking to Marshall as the door 
is closing) Great boy ! 

(Carroll stands looking at door right a moment, then 
rushes over, opens it, and peers doivn hall, to make 
sure they have gone. Then he corne^ hack into 
office, carefully closing door behind him. As he^ 
does so, Minnie opens door left zvide and stands 
looking in. Carroll sees her, and holds his finger 
to his lips. He beckons, and she comes doivn a 



"A NARROW SQUEAK" 19 

fezv steps. Carroll goes quickly to door centre, 
opens it, takes one step inside private office, and 
turns. Then very slowly he swings himself from 
one foot to the other — and the hoards of the fiodr 
creak loudly under pressure of his feet. A slow 
smile comes over his face, and he winks broadlv at 
Minnie, zvhose jaw drops as the significance of 
zvhat he is doing begins to dawn on her.) 

Carroll. (Slozvly) Heaven bless that squeaky 
board ! Say, Min, s'pose I hadn't known all the time 
that old Breck was in there listening? 

Minnie. (In blank amasement) You knew? 

Carroll. (Nodding) Yep. Heard the board 
squeak just before you came in to take the letters. 
Knew he must be there. 

Minnie. My Gawd! (SJie sinks dozvn in the chair 
beside the desk, rolls up her eyes, and addresses the 
wall) And I said he needed a nurse ! 

CURTAIN 



The Touch-Down 

A comedy in four acts, by Marion Short. 8 males, 6 females, but 
any number of characters can be introduced in the ensembles. Cos- 
tumes modern. One interior scene throughout the play. Time, 2^^ 
hours. 

This play, written for the use of clever amateurs, is the story of 
life in Siddell, a Pennsylvania co-educational college. It deals with 
the vicissitudes and final triumph of the Siddell Football Eleven, and 
the humorous and dramatic incidents connected therewith. 

"The Touch-Down" has t'he true varsity atmosphere, college songs 
are sung, and the piece is lively and entertaining throughout. High 
schools will make no mistake in producing this play. We strongly 
recommend it as a high-class and well-written comedy. 

Price, 30 Cents. 

Hurry; Hurry^ Hurry 

A comedy in three acts, by LeRoy Arnold. S males, 4 females. 
One interior scene. Costumes modern. Plays 2% hours. 

The story is based on the will of an eccentric aunt. It stipulates 
that her pretty niece must be affianced before she is twenty-one, and 
married to her fiance within a year, if she. is to get her spinster 
relative's million. Father has nice notions of honor and fails to tell 
daughter about the will, so that she maj' make her choice untram- 
meled by any other consideration than that of true love. The action 
all takes place in the evening the midnight of which will see her 
reach twenty-one. Time is therefore short, and it is hurry, hurry, 
hurry, if she is to become engaged and thus save her father from 
impending bankruptcy. 

The situations are intrinsically funny and the dialogue is Sprightly. 
The characters are natural and unaffected and the action moves with 
a snap such as should be expected from its title. Price, 30 Cents. 

The Varsity Coach 

A three-act play of college life, by Marion Short, specially adapted 
to performance by amateurs or high school students. 5 males 6 
females, but any number of boys and girls may be introduced in the 
action of the play. Two settings necessary, a college boy's room and 
the university campus. Time, about 2 hours. 

Like many another college boy, "Bob" Selby, an all-round popular 
college man, becomes possessed of the idea that athletic prowess is 
more to be desired than scholarship. He is surprised in the midst of 
a "spread" in his room in Regatta week by a visit from his aunt 
who is putting him through college. Aunt Serena, "a lady of the old 
school and the dearest little woman in the whole world," has hastened 
to make this visit to her adored nephew under the mistaken impression 
that he is about to receive the Fellowes prize for scholarship. Her 
grief and chagrin when she learns that instead of the prize Robert 
-has received "a pink card," which is equivalent to suspension for poor 
scholarship, gives a touch of pathos to an otherwise jolly comedy of 
college life. How the repentant Robert more than redeems himself, 
carries off honors at the last, and in the end wins Ruth, the faithful 
little sweetheart of the "Prom" and the classroom, makes a story of 
dramatic interest and brings out very clearly certain phases of modern 
college life. There are siSveral opportunities for the introduction of 
college songs and "stunts." Price, 30 Cents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New Yoffk City 

New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free oe glequesl 



■-xoKHiM ur uuriuKt^c 



0 017 401 383 4 

The Return of Hi Jinks 

A comedy in four acts, by Marion Short, author of "The Varsity 
Coach," "The Touch-Down," etc. 6 males, 8 females. Costumes 
modern. One interior scene. 

This comedy is founded upon and elaborated from a farce comedy 
in two acts written by J. H. Horta, and originally produced at Tuft's 
College. 

Hiram Poj^nter Jinks, a Junior in Hoosic College (Willie Collier 
jype), and a young moving picture actress (Mary Pickford type), are 
the leading characters in this lively, modern farce. 

Thomas Hodge, a Senior, envious of the popularity of Jinks, wishes 
to think up a scheme to throw ridicule upoti him during a visit of 
the Hoosic Glee Club to Jinks's home town. Jinks has obligingly acted 
as a one-day substitute in a moving picture play, in which there is a 
fire scene, and this gives Hodge his cue. He sends_ what seems to 
be a bona fide account of Jink's heroism at a Hoosic fire to Jink's 
home paper. Instead of repudiating his laurels as expected. Jinks 
decides to take a flyer in fame, confirms the fake story, confesses to 
being a hero and is adored) by all the girls, to the chagrin and dis- 
comfiture of Hodge. Of course, the truth comes out at last, but 
Jinks is not hurt thereby, and his romance with Mimi Mayflower 
comes to a successful termination. 

This is a great comedy for amateurs. It is full of funny situations 
and is sure to please. Price, 30 Cents. 



June 



A most successful comedy-drama in four acts, by Marie Doran, 
author of "The New Co-Ed," "Tempest and Sunshine," "Dorothy's 
Neighbors," etc. 4 males, 8 females. One interior scene. Costumes 
modern. Plays 2J4 hours. 

This play has a very interesting group of young people. June is 
an appealing little figure, an orphan living with her aunt. There are 
a number of delightful, life-like characters: the sorely tried likeabh; 
Mrs. Hopkins, the amusing, haughty Miss Banks of the glove depart- 
ment, the lively Tilly and Milly, who work in the store, and ambitious 
Snoozer; Mrs. Hopkins's only son, who aspires to be President of the 
United States, but finds his real sphere is running the local trolley 
car. The play is simplicity itself in the telling of an every-day story, 
and the scenic requirements call for only one set, a room in the 
boarding house of Mrs. Hopkins, while ati opportunity is afforded to 
introduce any number of extra characters. Musical numbers may be 
introduced, if desired. Price, 30 Cents. 

Tempest and Sunshine 

A comedy drama in four acts, by Marie Doran. 5 males and 3 
females. One exterior and three interior scenes. Plays about 2 hours 

Every school girl has revelled in the sweet simplicity and gentle- 
ness of the characters interwoven in the charms that Mary J. Holmes 
commands in her story of "Tempest and Sunshine." We can strongly 
recommend this play as one of the best plays for high school pro- 
duction published in recent years. Price, 30 Cents. 

(The Above Are Subject to Royalty When Produced) 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 28-30 West 38th Street, New York City 

New and Explicit Descriptive Catalogue Mailed Free en Request 



